massive articulation

Ever since I have known that I would be making the move out west, the last few weeks feel like they were crawling by, and that my motions were all in slow motion. However today, it feels like they haven’t passed by slow enough! Even though I knew this day was coming for a while, it didn’t prepare me for the wave of emotion that hit me knowing that I would be once again, stepping out of the shelter of family, friends, and home into the unknown, uncertainties of life.

And while I could talk endless hours with my friends of what it will be like to move into this new phase of my life, I feel like all it was, was just talk. There is no plan. There is no control once we truly surrender ourselves to the randomness of life. I am completely at a loss for direction right now, even though a bright and shiny new path has been laid before me. When the one thing eluding me for months, which is something to work towards, is given to me, I suddenly cower in fear at the fact that I have to reach out (and I mean, REALLY reach out) and grasp it. Maybe I’m just chicken… or human.

Why does it only hit us at the very last second? A good friend of mine looked me in the eyes today, and at that very point, we both new something was about to change. I mean, we knew it would change, but it was only at that very second, I suddenly realized that my life was taking a wild turn. Our eyes welled up, and I’ve been sucking them back up ever since I’ve began to say my goodbyes to each of my dear friends.

Another friend said to me, “Goodbyes suck.” I just know that it’ll be the worst tomorrow at the airport, when I have to finally say my real goodbye to my family and my girlfriend.

I better pack the tissue.